Why a Personal Website Now? My Recent Experience with a Cyber-Bully in Utah

 

I am in a healthier place, both physically and mentally, to create a website about my broken past.

Too much of my adulthood involved being somewhere or doing something that brought me despair when I could have simply been more defensive, or walked away.  Most of the time, I didn’t have the right words to justify my emotions.  I still have dreams where I am trapped in polygamy and it never occurs that I can just “get up” and leave.   My website provides me with a safe place to write about uncomfortable issues with the ability to come and go, as I please.

Due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, and not taking control of certain situations, some of which were beyond my control, led to episodes of major depression in my life. I feel fortunate to be alive; polygamy was  taxing on my neurotransmitters. Gratefully, my children always pulled me back.  Now I am very careful, sometimes over-zealous about boundaries; what I can do each day, and who I associate with, especially who I choose in my intimate circle.

I started my website www.vickiesgrin.com with the purpose of empowering myself.  I never felt that I had my own voice.  In Mormonism, my voice was the dictates of others, and my husband had the last word.  As a plural-wife, my words were invisible and meaningless.  As the Director of Tapestry Against Polygamy, a non-profit organization in Utah helping individuals leave polygamy, I was in a professional role, and to me, that came first.  It wasn’t my authentic voice.  As a spokesperson for the organization it was necessary to lead by example and not make a human rights violation, POLYGAMY, a religious issue by mixing church and state. Not easy.

Often my words were taken out of context because polygamy is a broad subject with many layers, and it is difficult to understand a complex issue in the form of sound bites. For every push forward, we were met with a stronger force kicking us backwards by polygamists, and plural wives who were able to make friends with certain public officials and media in Utah who were more interested in creating friendships with the polygamists than creating a “safety net” for victims.

After my ex-polygamist husband Christopher unsuccessfully sued me and Tapestry members, I moved to California.

One day, as I was taking care of my aging mother who had a doctor’s appointment, she encouraged me to get a mammogram. I found out that I had an aggressive form of breast-cancer, Triple Negative, which is often associated with younger people. I had surgery, chemotherapy and radiation.  I remember being told by a specialist that they had found something in my “bones” and “lungs” and I thought for certain that my cancer had metastasized, and I was going to die.  All I could think about was making preparations for my children, and how I had failed to bring any closure in my life.

In 2011, I was contacted by the Attorney General’s Office from British Columbia regarding the polygamy reference case.  I had an affidavit to submit which confirmed my story in God’s Brothel by Andrea Moore Emmett. I waited in my Political Science class for a notary to arrive, but it never happened.  In the end, the AG’s office in British Columbia didn’t have time to submit it. (However, I was able to provide the ministry with a few pieces of evidence that were used in court).

That was nearly five-years ago.  Since that time, I have been able to graduate with a BA in sociology and a minor in psychology.  I was a member of the Alpha Kappa Delta International Honor Society, and was involved in several internships: assisting the Salvation Army in creating a home visit model program, Gramercy Court as a recreational assistant, and the Prison Education Program at Folsom Prison.  My education in sociology and psychology gave me another perspective, and it is often through this lens, the stand-point theory, that I write.

I am a mother of seven children, and my children have made tremendous sacrifices because I left their polygamous father, and then publicly told why.  These ex-family members are outspoken critics of mine (who still have their issues).  So, it hasn’t been easy for my children who were caught in the cross-fire.  I have had to make tough decisions about priorities.

As much as I believe my voice is important, I have come to believe that my children are more important than any cause.  I have walked through a mine field trying to both protect my children and also lead through example.  I have fought for my self-autonomy by not allowing others to get in the way.

I am my own person now.

Unlike many survivors of polygamy, I never wrote a book about my experiences because writing does not come easy for me—I am not very literate (I dislike reading books. And, it has only been recently that I can sit still enough to watch an entire movie without fidgeting). But, I can write bits and pieces, and I can post information, and I can certainly present a case that UTAH is culpable for neglecting victims of polygamy.

I don’t want regrets.

Mr. Emailer tries to strike a deal.

   Emailer tries to strike a deal

After writing my last blogpost entitled “Reality Quest – the beginning” I received harassing e-mails from a creepy cyber-bully who was pissed off that I wasn’t uploading information fast enough.  In a two day span, I posted about 12 “Reality Quest” newsletters that were written by my former polygamist husband Chris, and given to me in 1993-94. This individual wrote and told me I held the “weapon of mass destruction” in my hands because I had my ex’s writings.  If I gave him what he wanted, he would never bother me again.

There was already tons of incriminating information all over the Internet about my ex-polygamist husband, Christopher Nemelka.

The bully’s e-mails got increasingly weird.  After receiving his e-mails, and realizing what type of person was getting this information, I pulled the RQs from my site.  I asked myself, “Now why am I uploading these? What is the purpose?”  I was also worried about getting slammed with another law-suit from my ex, and not having the money to pay for an attorney.

I had already given my public support to another website exposing my ex-polygamist husband, with a public statement. There was enough information at www.chrisnemelka.com to help anyone, who wanted to avoid being deceived.

Email-Bully wrote: “You just need to unleash this power so I may use this incredible weapon to crush Christopher Nemelka. You have the nuclear codes I need to win the war.”

I felt as if had just created an Avatar for myself and I was in a virtual reality game, and the off switch wasn’t working.

Email-Bully (I hate providing his name and giving him any more attention than he deserves) was granted the title of “Autistic Savant” from my ex-polygamist husband Christopher.  My ex claims, among other characters, such as being the re-incarnated Hyrum Smith, that he is a “Messenger” of Advanced Beings.  He created a Marvelous Work and Wonder, MWAW, which supposedly provides the truth of all truth (multiplied by a hundred-fold of more truths for people who don’t have a search button on their browser).

I became concerned when Email-Bully sternly asked where “Volume One Issue Two, Six, Eight, Nine, and Twelve” was and then told me that I was an “accomplice to Christopher Nemelka in his criminal activities in deceiving others.”

                  Cyber-Bully Strikes!

The newsletters were from over twenty years ago!  I didn’t know I would need them someday to unlock the nuclear codes. I wasn’t my ex’s archival secretary! Plus, I didn’t even receive or keep all the RQs.

dead-peopleThe emailer threatened me, “If you do not with all your might, mind, and strength, make available every single document word for word as they were written by Christopher then I hold you accountable for every soul who was brainwashed by him. . .  Your absolute neglect and ignorance has caused thousands of people to be led astray, and unless you treat Reality Quest more seriously as documents that would topple this work I recommend you produce everything with great speed as if you were saving thousands of lives. If I do not have access to every Issue of Reality Quest that I may study these writings with great haste each wasted moment I hold you accountable for murdering individuals Chris Nemelka has taken captive.” (September 15, 2015)

               “I’m coming for you next!”

He continued: “. . . I now turn my attention towards Vicky Prunty, and I will seek with all my intelligence to expose you for the crime she has committed in deleting Reality Quest from your website. I will wage war upon you in a manner you have never experienced until you grant me access to these documents again. The battle will no longer be with Chris Nemelka, but the war will be taken to you!” (September 20, 2015)

Email-Bully’s conclusion for me taking the RQs down was that I was protecting Chris Nemelka. Actually, I was protecting myself from a law-suit, until I could find out what my legal rights were posting someone else’s writing that was given to me.  I was also concerned that there was something more sinister going on — he believed he was the “man in black” while Christopher was “Vizzini”. Were these another alter-ego? Characters in a game that I did not want to be involved in, or was he a mad dog chasing his tail.  He never “explained” why these RQs were important.

           “I am so proud of myself!”

Email-Bully explained: “I have the skill, talent, and gift in winning any debate with Christopher using my childlike mind, and he considers me one of the little ones, and woe unto all those who offend one of the little ones.  Mr. Nemelka has nowhere to run, and he has the desire to escape from me, but I have trapped him, and I have creatively sunk his MAWA ship . . .” (September 21, 2015)

All I could think was — “A better example is Christopher is a box of Fruit Loops, and one of his fruit loops just escaped out of the box!” I do have compassion for the fanatic (I was once one), and those who have a personality disorder(s).  But, I have more compassion for the victims.  Fanatics are dangerous individuals who become ruthless in a quest to become self-important, and they destroy everyone in their path.

Elie Wiesel, who is a Nobel laureate, explained how the fanatic works: “The fanatic feels important, for he presumes being capable of altering—and dominating—the course of history.  Using the obscure power of hatred, he feels he can—and must—take charge of man’s fate. Working in the dark, forever involved in plots and counterplots, he thinks his mission is to abolish the present state of affairs and replace it with his own system.  No wonder that he, the human failure, now feels proud and superior.” (Parade April 7, 2002)

We won! Cognitive Dissonance!

I understand my ex-husband Christopher is no longer running as a hopeful presidential candidate under the Humanity Party.  Maybe he realizes that Bernie Sanders is the real deal when it comes to helping reform social inequality.  Maybe he watched “The Bernie Brief” and didn’t want voters to know about “Vizzini” and the “man in black” a.ka. the ‘Autistic Savant’.

"Give me my antidote NOW!"

        “Give me my antidote NOW!”

At one point the ‘Autistic Savant’ apologized to me, and then changed his mind: “. . . I’m a spoiled kid, and I just want things now, and I don’t like to be told no. Just give me what I want, and then we can part ways with me destroying Chris Nemelka and the Marvelous Work and a Wonder, and you saving those in Polygamy. I’m not going to stop until you give me the antidote to the disease I am suffering from. You want me to wait around and be patient while my mind has been deceived, and you have the pill to take my problems away? I told you the truth that what Chris wrote in Reality Quest was the equivalent of me having the codes to a nuclear weapon, and yet you seemed to dismiss my pleadings, and you only concentrated on yourself. Do you want me to be a Prisoner of War to Chris Nemelka? Just give me the stupid Reality Quests, and I don’t want anything further from you. My cure is the documents you are holding from me, and I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to be patient with you. In fact I’m not patient. I want them and I want them now! Do I seem like a person who wants to be deceived? Then why are you withholding the information I need to be healed?  If you don’t want me to keep sending you information then give me every copy of Reality Quest. It’s that simple. I’m asking for your help, but all you want to do is keep me in your ring fighting with you. If you want me to go away then give me the documents you took from me or unfortunately for you we’ll be pen palls forever. Otherwise give me something you haven’t cared or thought about for twenty years, and I’ll never bother you again. For someone that wants to help the victims of Chris you have a sick way of showing it by refusing to provide me the information to straighten out my mind.” (September 21, 2015)

                          WHOOPS!

Like Rumpelstiltskin, the e-mails have continued daily because someone did not get their Nemelka-fix.

The grasping need for anyone to have a title of nobility and power is concerning.  The title “Autistic Savant” given to this individual and the assumed accolades he hopes to receive by winning some kind of game is not worth my time.  Better case scenario, I hope this individual DOES NOT DELAY, and goes to the authorities if he knows of any criminal activities coming from the MWAW.

I write and share this story because help is needed for victims of bullying—whether physical, verbal, domestically, or cyberbullying.  (I may need some “cyber-angels” myself).  Mr. Emailer Savant doesn’t understand that I have been bullied too much of my life, as a female living in a patriarchal system, to take abuse again.  I have categorically chosen not to battle anyone. 

frantz-fanon-cognitive-dissonance-quote

 

Now for an example of how the brain works for a true-believer–call it  “Cognitive Dissonance” “Traumatic Bonding” or “Lunatics Run Wild”– according to the emailer, he called Christopher on his Blog Radio Show on September 20, 2015, and confronted Nemelka about the missing RQs. Christopher said, “It doesn’t matter if I made it up. It doesn’t matter where it came from. . . Robbie lets get on with something that will benefit other people. Your an enemy, I don’t care what you say to anybody else. Your an enemy of this work because you have chosen to accept the fact “this” that I’ve made this all up. That I’ve lied to people. That there are no advanced humans. That I’ve simply made it up. So, so what, so what. So I have, So I did. . . None of that matters. It doesn’t mean one thing. Your never going to de-convert a person who has found the Marvelous Work and a Wonder and has taught them truth. You never are. It doesn’t matter what you think about me or what you think about this work. It doesn’t matter. Your wasting your time.”

dr seuss brains in your head

I guess my uploading “Reality Quest” for a few days and dealing with Robbie (his name) annoyed Christopher so much that he came clean (for the XXth time!), and admitted that he made everything up. I hope this was recorded, and it was saved on audio for any of his followers that might be concerned that he made it up.  Some people won’t care.

Looks like I did my part, after all.

Mark Twain

The website www.ChrisNemelka.com  was created to expose Christopher Nemelka because he is a fraud.  Or, he was a fraud. Darn.  What do you call a person who’s an admitted fraudster?

Part of creating my website was in hopes of providing me with my own voice where I wouldn’t be misquoted, or misrepresented, and where I could work at my own speed.  I wanted to provide what I wanted—not what someone else expected of me.

I will have to block this nut job by raising my hand to the square, and pushing a block button.

Leaving Utah never felt so good . . .

I got off the bus!

 

 

 

16 Responses to Why a Personal Website Now? My Recent Experience with a Cyber-Bully in Utah

  1. Chronos says:

    Brilliant! You are strong, powerful and clever. Stand your ground. Your cyberbully should be ashamed of himself, that is abnormal and abusive behavior. And if he wants to take your polygamist ex down so much, why does he simply turn evidence into the police and let them do their job?

    • admin says:

      That is exactly what I want to know…? If he makes serious claims (which he did to me in e-mails) why not turn the evidence over. And, are others more of a “Savant” because they haven’t needed extra material to figure out everyone receives messages — usually for themselves. If he wants to play with fire–that is his choice. Thank-you for your kind words.

  2. Crystal Jackson says:

    Victoria, you are such a strong, wonderful woman. I support you in your truth telling. I support and believe your story . Know there are many who love unconditionally! Thank you for bringing this important perspective and continuing the dialogue!

  3. Harry says:

    This essay is perfect.

    It’s also healthy.

    You handled cyber-bully Robbie Pace (let his legacy preced him), with precision and dignity rather than remaining quiet and allowing him to think he has any writing skill. or special ability to persuade anyone in any way.

    It would be interesting to discover if Pace has always been a cyber-bully, or if that is something he learned from his pal Nemelka?

    • admin says:

      The lack of boundaries that Robbie has displayed by coming on my website and then sending me harassing e-mails was certainly learned. I hope he can now learn to stay away.

      As always, I appreciate your support!

  4. Julie says:

    ” Fanatics are dangerous individuals who become ruthless in a quest to become self-important, and they destroy everyone in their path.” Sounds exactly like what you’re doing and also the website (chrisnemelka.com) that you support!

    • admin says:

      Trying to clean up some negative social media for someone else? I can’t help you.

      No danger here. “Please do not believe everything I say, and do not follow me. Get your own answers. Also, for public record, I am not taking donations based on something I cannot deliver. I am not a true Messenger; nor a prophet, seer, or revelator.”

      I encourage anyone who has followed a leader, and was deceived by that person or institution, to be outspoken about it (websites are an inexpensive way to get the word out). Share your words, the way you want!

      Often in religion the conversion process is swift, and controlled. I would have loved some websites to read before becoming a misled follower.

      • Julie says:

        The tragedy with you, Vicky, is that you admit you haven’t read any of Christopher’s “wordy big books” so in reality, you have no idea what you think you’re saving people from.

        Furthermore, it’s interesting to me how you disparage and malign Christopher, when in reality he saved you from Gary B and gave you and your children respite to keep you from “going into the mountains to sustain [your] children on berries.”

        Then when HE ended the polygamy… remember you and Marcy begged him to come back to you both, which you admitted to me that you did indeed. Out of compassion for you both, he started up a relationship behind Jackie’s back which produced children. So really Vicky, who’s the bad guy?!

        • admin says:

          What new and important message in MAWA books can you share with me that can help me find more happiness than I already have?

          Why do you believe that it had to be Chris to help me get away from my first marriage? Could it not have been someone else? A relative, another man or woman? It is similar to Chris lying to LDS members and saying that was the only way they would learn. What about the thousands or millions who left Mormonism without him.

          All the other extrapolations you mention are out of context. You don’t get it because you don’t want to.

          • Harry Dschaak says:

            “Out of compassion for you both, he started up a relationship behind Jackie’s back which produced children.”

            She asks, ‘Who’s the bad guy???”

            How about asking a different question, (to maybe Jackie, or any of her children, which [by the way], are also “his children”).

            “Which is more important… “compassion” or … just “being honest” (or faithful)?

            HUH??

            Or how about this one—> “What kind of a man lies to his wife so he can have sex with other women (that produce children) behind her back”?

            Is that the definition of a compassionate man? (Or even a “good” man?)

            wow.

            Apparently Julie [Taggart] is so deeply involved with the “dishonest, (and unfaithful)” man she was conned by, that she has to try to reconcile her twelve years of blind foolishness by revealing her opinion about something she has no personal knowledge of. These latest couple of comments are the perfect sample of the fruits of the Cult she belongs to… so take note. One can clearly see how Julie is not really a better person than she was before she found Nemelka and his lie, er, I mean, his “real truth”. Notice how she is willing to sign off on Nemelka’s version of things, even though his version is beyond lame.

            Some call it bias, but really…

            … it’s just science.

            Harry

          • admin says:

            Harry, I don’t think there will be any arguments, at least not productive ones. Unless something really good comes out of Julie’s pretzel dance her comments are a waste of time. That is all we have, time. I want to spend my time being productive, and I don’t see it happening with Julie T. Chris claims he didn’t believe in polygamy, and only did it for the sex and his ego (his words), so for Julie to try and make him look like the good guy is only playing into what he loves. Beyond creepy, scary.

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