Category Archives: Documentation

Why a Personal Website Now? My Recent Experience with a Cyber-Bully in Utah


Reality Quest — the beginning

11-1-93 Reality Quest One -photo copy

Reality Quest

“Reality Quest” are newsletter writings from my former spiritual husband Chris, aka Christopher Nemelka, during 1993-1994 (possibly 1995).  Forgive me for using the word “spiritual” — it’s a bit confusing. I don’t know if I believe in things spiritual. However, I do not know what other word to describe our relationship when there was nothing spiritual about it: 1) We were never legally married  2) I was Chris’s third plural wife 3) now I realize our relationship was based on fraud. (Yes, the word “spiritual” seems rather fitting–illusionary?)

I believe there are many things that we don’t understand, and it is convenient to use terms like “spiritual” to describe them.  Could it also be that some of the attributes that we possess as  human are qualities that we don’t understand.  Instead of waiting for science to explain it, we get impatient (faithless) and start creating names for these experiences such as “gifts of the spirit”?  Maybe these experiences or attributes are merely a sixth sense that humans have developed in the process of evolution, or scants of our early ancestry that have remained with us — perhaps in the same way as our animal friends use their keen senses.

Right before (and I am talking about the night before the Northern California fires broke out) I had a vivid dream of a fierce fire which I saw start at one end, and travel to the next end within seconds.  I woke up from the dream, and told my boyfriend (anyone can ask him if I am telling the truth).  What really made an impression in this dream was how BIG and FAST this blazing fire could travel.  The scene wasn’t pine trees like here in California where I live; it was a field, so it wasn’t as if I was seeing a California fire.

Do I have a gift of seeing into the future? I don’t think so. Some might say I do.  However, it could have been that it was a coincident, or maybe I heard the word “fire” that day and it stuck in my mind before I went to bed and became part of a subliminal message making its way into a dream.  Perhaps the fires had already started earlier and I smelled something (those instincts), or I felt the dryness from the drought in the air, and it reminded me of a fire.  Maybe I was hungry before I went to bed thinking about S’mores. It could have been my PTSD acting up because the fire scene was in Moab, Utah, where I once lived as a Mormon fundamentalist.  I hate to include this detail, but in the dream, I was several miles from the Rockland Ranch (a sandstone cave) where I lived.  This is where I saw the fire start, and (some of) the people there died, including children.  Could the tragedy of these polygamous families dying in my dream be related to the horrible recent flashflood tragedy in Southern Utah, and women and children dying there (close to the same time the fires in Northern California took place)?  Was there a correlation? Or was I  getting my visions mixed up? Was I not using my Seer Stone correctly?

The next night I saw streams of futuristic planes (unlike anything I have ever seen, sort of like large missiles with wings–I didn’t see any side windows) flying through the air into the United States, EVERYWHERE, and Russian civilians getting out.  These Russians were also arriving on railway. I looked around at the people next to me, and it was as if  everyone was sleepwalking–no one noticed them, or cared.  When I started making a holler, another person next to me took notice.  It was as if our government had already given approval (or had no power to stop it), and then I woke up.

After my experiences within religion, I no longer put ANY credence in these types of dreams as being a spiritual manifestation.  If I gave this power to an entity how would I know if it was a good one, or a bad one–an angel’s warning, or Satan deceiving me?

These doomsday dreams are not going to motivate me to do more good in the world.  Certainly following dead prophets (or any profits!), extrapolating scriptures, visions, dreams, prophesies is NOT going to help decaying neighborhoods, feeding the hungry, housing the poor, and bringing water to the thirsty.

I never wanted to tell anyone about these dreams, and here I am sharing them. Am I being used as a pawn in some greater plan?  Am I fulfilling Chris Nemelka’s “Marvelous Work and Wonder?” Damn the bad luck! Or, is it true what some Mormons are saying that September 28th will be the beginning of earthquakes along with the “blood moon” and “days of tribulation”. (I hope not — I have a 5K marathon that day! I wanted to get out of it — but, this would be taking it WAY too far!)

Before I start posting “Reality Quest(s)” of Chris’s (that are mine) — I can see the future now!  I realize that my former “spiritual” (fake) husband will use whatever I post and write to his advantage — let me warn the readers: Beware.  Christopher Nemelka has some of the most powerful leadership qualities that a human can possess, and he knows it.  Never put your faith in a human! (or ALIEN!) That is my message, and I believe that was his before he got lost in his ego.  The reason I wrote “alien” is because Chris wrote in his first Reality Quest over twenty years ago, “. . . perhaps he’s [Christopher] not of the same species . . .”

Hmmm . . . come to think of it.

There have been many species of men like Chris who have walked the earth.  I believe there are certain qualities that both he and Joseph Smith share that make them unique, but  I do not believe these are quality character traits — they are defects, or more commonly known as a personality disorder.  I am not a psychologist, yet I have studied enough to know that many cult leaders fall into the category of a sociopath.  (Here is a link from the Exit Support Network for more information about this personality disorder).

Chris and I parted ways, and I moved to Grass Valley, California, and on September 20, 1993 he wrote me and told me that he hoped this manuscript (that he would send in newsletters) would help me “and anyone else who might be interested search for the truth.”

These are his truths (or lies). I am posting them because many individuals follow his “message” and I’d also like to set the record straight regarding rumors about me.  Perhaps someday these individuals/followers of his message will realize that they have wasted their life chasing a rabbit down a dark hole.  Listen to someone who fell for his joke:  Move on.  Get out there and make some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and feed the poor. Close your wordy-MAWA books and play ball with your children.  If you want to “gain a greater perspective of the origins of life” take opiates they work much faster! Don’t waste your time trying to figure out what the dead tokens mean in the temple — No ADVANCED being cares.  These are all diversion tactics.

Perhaps if some of these individuals looking for eternal truths begin to look at the bigger picture, and connect the dots, they will realize MAWA has nothing to do with separating the messenger from the message.  No higher power, or intelligence, would want ANY of us swimming in circles spending our whole life figuring this out or reading books  trying to figure out dates when the world will end, and attempting to know the “mysteries” when they are a MYSTERY. The meaning of life is right in front of us.


I will post the Reality Quests that I have in my Document section according to dates, so that you may continue in your folly — or finally decide to get rid of the shackles or “WORDS” that often imprison us.  My prayer is that you may become the savior of your own lives. (I will black out content that would expose family members, and protect irrelevant family history.)




I Love My Body!

Journal Entry from 25 years ago — “Let me go!”

I have neglected “Vickie’s Grin” for way too long. A writing block occurred after seeing the tagline “Embracing my polygamist past!” on my website. (I even included an exclamation point, as if I was really excited about my past–Whoopee!). I took it down.

Maybe I was having an embracing-moment when I started this website, but like plural marriage, it didn’t last long.
It soon became apparent that embracing my past living polygamy wasn’t entirely true. I hated my Mormon fundamentalist past; it controlled my life, wasted my time, ruined my children’s life, left me financially destitute, and to top it off, all my efforts in Utah helping others leave polygamy was sabotaged by certain public officials, including former Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff, and those he worked with constantly spinning polygamy.

After daily events and reminders of my past that unexpectedly crept up on me, I melted into a deep depression. It became obvious that I still held resentments; I wondered why I had created a website in the first place, and how I could possibly write anything positive, and remain honest. (Embracing and resentment don’t go well together).

Since then, I have learned a couple things about this website: 1) It is very difficult to be both in the moment (which, for the most part I love), and also revisit the past, which I don’t love. PTSD explains some of it. Besides that, there is an uncomfortable chasm that exists between these two polar opposite time zones which seem light years apart, and it can be unkind. I prefer living in the moment. 2) A person can embrace their past and simultaneously hate the abusive actions of others; they can advocate, bitch, complain, and fight against a particular abuse without so much as a pause, so others do not have to go through it.  This is where I would like to be.

(Btw: Thank-you to the cult survivor who sent me this photo of the three little girls! I have been holding on to it for weeks because it is so appropriate).

Lately, I have had some personal experiences that have helped me realize how fortunate I am for my past.  In spite of all the negative consequences due to my former religion, which I would not wish upon anyone, there have also been positive outcomes that have occurred from my years in Mormonism and trying to find an escape route leading out of the Mormon maze of madness.  Finally, I am finding my way home “in a 1000 different ways”!!  I can do this!!  And, I am putting my sub-title, tagline, topper, or whatever it is called back up as a way to give myself a hug!!  (The fact is I have not been able to write a book, so this website is it).

Recently I was asked by a non-profit organization in California, “My Sister’s House” to speak to the media about my experiences involving Human Trafficking. I figured the organization wanted me to talk about my experiences helping others who were trafficked into polygamy, until I realized that wasn’t the case. They wanted my story. Most people think human trafficking is moving females from one place to another for commercial sex, yet there are many forms of human trafficking such as migrant workers.  As far as polygamy and human trafficking women and young girls are often moved across state and national borders for the purpose of forced marriage, and members of polygamous groups, including school-age children, are often used for the purpose of slave-labor. It doesn’t stop there. Recruited women through coercion, deception, abuse of power or vulnerability, or fraudulent means (such as scriptures or using religious propaganda) for the purpose of sexual exploitation, involuntary servitude, servile marriage, debt, bondage or slavery is human trafficking.  Today’s Mormon polygamy is another form of modern-day slavery.

I would have never lived polygamy (the emotions of sharing a spouse is similar to the emotions of being cheated on–not fun!), if I wasn’t recruited by my husband and others through coercion and fraud.

The climax of this blog post is a journal entry that I wrote 25 years ago on October 3, 1990 denouncing my polygamous marriage vows, as I was trying to extricate myself from my eternal marriage. Back then, I had not heard of anyone leaving polygamy without horrific consequences.  The date is written at the bottom of the second page, yet the date doesn’t seem to add up. Or, does it? According to this date, my former husband would have only been married to his second wife a couple years. (Maybe I left sooner than I thought–a kudos to me!)  The Morrisons’ whom I mention in the journal entry are my (former) sister-wife’s family members who attended and officiated the marriage ceremony.

As I read this, I was grasping at straws.  It took me a long time to finally unravel the religious indoctrination, and understand the psychological processes that occur under these types of conditions.  It also reveals that I am not unloving or vindicative–I just wanted out!

Unfortunately, because I am trying to make up for “stolen” time this website and its blog posts are going to be a hit and miss thing. Life is calling, and I have yet to write 2nd Plural Marriage: Part Two!

Utah’s Past Lives On: The Wheels on the Bus go Round ‘n Round & I Got Off!

This is a rough draft for an English assignment I wrote 17 (!!) years ago, entitled Utah’s Past Lives On.  No wonder I need this website.  It’s time to post this junk in my trunk!

Although it is only a rough draft, it relates very much to the editorial I submitted this week to the Salt Lake Tribune (minus the current events). It is definitely a must read for anyone interested in early Mormon teachings about polygamy, and who isn’t turned off by all my MisStakes.  If you know where to find any of the missing references, please let me know.  I’d like to finish it one of these days.

A reply for NankerPhelge7, who commented on the op-ed that went to my e-mail:

I am not “throwing millions” of you who reside in Utah “under the bus.” There are wonderful people who live in Utah, yet, as a state — rampant abuses continue in polygamy, only certain individuals are sitting in the front of the bus, and only male drivers are driving the bus. I never said “everyone” in Utah is guilty of this scenerio — just those who are supporting it.  Oh, and that I get the willies going back to Utah.

Here are a few of the quotes from “Utah’s Past Lives On”  from my past life in Mormonism.  Wait! I can’t choose which quotes, they are all good!  Read more here Utah’s Past Lives On .

Letter to Utah Attorney General Supporting Appeal of Decriminalization of Polygamy

In 2014, I wrote a letter to Utah Attorney Sean Reyes in support of appealing the Brown polygamy case which decriminalized the crime of polygamy.  I gave factual examples of the pervasive abuse and sent books with terrifying true accounts as well. These stories were not the exception – they were the norm.