Angel for Sale or Rent

I received a random Skype message on Martin Luther King Day from an old Facebook group (friends of a friend).

The female voice was robotic-sounding, and full of surprises: “. . . God has seen you struggling with some things and God says it’s over. A blessing is coming your way. . ..”  

“I love blessings wherever they come from!” I thought to myself.

But there was a string-attached.  If I wanted the blessing, I had to send the message out to fourteen friends who would not consider it a joke.

That would be tough.

The angel (who described herself as a “strawberry smile angel with a strawberry”) said it was not a joke. Yet, all I could think about was the angel’s description and a half-dozen perfume-smelling little dolls I once owned as a child. I don’t know the connection; none of the little dolls were angels or smelled of strawberry fragrance. But there was a reddish one I liked best, and she could have been an angel.  The thought of strawberry angel, a little invisible genie-in-a-bottle doll, was funny.   

The voice also told me that if I got five replies that meant someone would “quietly surprise me.” 

“I like quiet surprises!” — sometimes, I thought.

The weird message got uncomfortable when it mentioned being “tested” (ultimatums, again)  and the promise that God would soon be “fixing two big things” if I followed the message.

Since I don’t do well on tests, I started for bed.  

But, there was redemption.

The last part of the message said that if I believed in God, and dropped everything to pass it on (no minimum requirement), then I would receive a promise: “TOMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.”

I didn’t pass it along.  Instead, I quickly removed myself from the group in order not to hear more pings, and then went to sleep.

My Reality

Today I am sick; a flu bug that I must have caught from my daughter.  No unconditional love from a messenger when I need it the most. That’s okay, gifts generally don’t happen that way.

I believe in the blessing of reaping what I sow.  (The learning-from-our-mistakes blessing).  I could have done more to protect myself from getting sick.

What this little experience has taught me most, in a roundabout way, is NOW is the TIME for action.  Time to grow up.  Time to stop pretending that not planning and easy approaches work. For some people, who don’t have obligations, like I have,  the more cavalier lifestyle works.   

For me, because I have what some might describe as “a lot of baggage” (a past) and the rug is literally being pulled from beneath me, I must be strong(er). 

Time to Take Charge

This new year, I want to keep my priorities straight, let go of the excess, and manage myself better.  I want to be just as faithful to myself and true principles, as I was to my former religion, and following a husband.  Instead of religion or a man leading me, I want to lead and manage my own life. 

(Many women are happy following their husband–I spend time with happy well-taken care of monogamist wives everyday.  This last weekend I went to a beautiful Lutheran wedding last where the man was made the “head of the woman” as “Christ is to his church.”  I don’t doubt that many men are good husband-leaders.  I also don’t doubt that many religions help people). 

Due to who I am, my different and yet valid experiences, I doubt I will ever get married or baptized into a church again. My PTSD would not allow me to go to church or get married, if I wanted. 

Since the days ahead look dark for this nation, especially for the working poor, and anyone who can’t find a hole to live in, I want to control what I can.  (It gives me at least the illusion that there is hope). I want to exemplify “hope” not “defeat”.

 And, if we REALLY are living in “the last days” and I am to care for my family, let’s hope I do not have to take hold of a man with seven wives. I would never pass the reference check.  

I am more powerful than a strawberry angel

I have been constructing a personal action plan that I believe has the power to help me take more control of my life.  This will be more than an experiment, it is a life-style change.  (Actually, at this stage, it is an experiment).

I am quite certain none of this makes sense, it hardly makes sense to me.  However, it goes back to my earlier post about how our brains are wired differently.  For example, for the last week or two, my daughter and I have been trying to work together learning a song from the play “Hamilton”. I have never seen her get so angry; she takes it personally, as if I am being sacrilegious. During her frustration, and scolding me to “practice it the right way,” alone in my bedroom without distractions, I acquiesce.  I try singing in my bedroom, in the car, everywhere I go.  I even bribe her with money to help.  I tell her a story about a bus, and the importance when working together of “getting on and off the bus together.” I keep reminding her “Don’t get off the bus! We are not done. We are can do it!”

Then, after hours of listening to the music, and me trying to sing my part, she tells me I have absolutely no timing (I have already been told I am tone-deaf), and clearly cannot be helped. In a last effort, she tells me to look at the sheet music.  I sit down and it only takes moments to hear what is seen on the paper.  Whereas, she has learned to play the song by ear, I can only read it.  

Goal

I am hoping what I see in my head can be transformed into writing.  I believe this personal action plan is necessary for who I am, and will increase faith in myself (give me self-confidence), and make me stronger.

But, first there are a few blog posts, I must write.

The title “Angel for Sale or Rent” is a takeoff from the song “King of the Road” – a reminder that living with less is more.  This hobo faith cannot be learned from church, or a book.  It cannot be taught anywhere, but it can be learned. 

 

2 Responses to Angel for Sale or Rent

  1. Thanks for sharing! Actually, it makes a lot of sense to me. A wonderful piece as always.

    • admin says:

      Thank-you Jason! I just now noticed your comment. It definitely takes learning how to use a blog before using it right! I look forward to reading some of your future writings.

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